I feel like a huge weight has been lifted – NO MORE DRUGS, yes ! No more clinical baby dancing, being told ‘do it today’ really takes the fun out of it all. I want my life back. I am lucky enough to already have 2 amazing children, but my heart really does go out there to anyone unable to get pregnant who doesn’t have any children.

Stress is a factor and for me the whole fertility drugs and intrauterine insemination were just too stressful. Buster is thrilled that I want to put it on hold for a while, he didn’t enjoy what it was doing to our relationship either. That’s not to say that we have given up on a baby all together, but I don’t think for us that this is the way we will get our baby. I am now looking into seeing a Naturopath to not only help with trying to conceive, but hopefully help with the whole feeling of being unable to get pregnant at the moment and other stresses and just get us back on track. I will keep you posted

We had already discussed briefly that Buster and I are currently under-going fertility treatment. I had mentioned that I would love a girl, having two boys already and originally I had tried to sway the odds naturally in favour of conceiving a girl, but now because of how long it is taking for me to conceive I would be over the moon with either, boy or girl, it doesn’t matter. She asked would you really not mind a boy ? to which I replied, I really wouldn’t mind. The next thing that she said surprised me, she said I do see you with a baby boy and I see it happening really soon. She told me to stop worrying about me never having another child because she knew that I was going to have one and to think that ‘Yes, I am pregnant’ or ‘I will be pregnant very soon’.

I came away from the party feeling good about it all.

I took the whole disappointment thing better this month too. It’s funny how it seems to be getting easier now each month, instead of harder. I think I have accepted that it’s not going to happen overnight and although I am not generally a patient person I seem to have found some patience from somewhere. Buster comes home in a couple of days and then I have my appointment with Paul Stokes the fertility guy, so me and Buster are going to have a chat when he comes home about what we do from here.

I have created a lens on our long journey with Clomid and Intrauterine Insemination which can be found here, Intrauterine Insemination, our journey

I have also created a lens which provides more information on gonal f injections:
http://www.squidoo.com/gonal-f-injections

It’s all on the intrauterine insemination this month – no baby dancing was involved as hubby was away and we had to use his frozen sperm for the insemination. A good thing is the timing was perfect. I had a scan done which showed that I was actually ovulating at the time of the intrauterine insemination – timing doesn’t get better than that. So it’s back to the waiting game now, fingers crossed for a positive this month. Will be back to report the outcome soon

The fertile cervical mucus gave me some hope. It would be great if it would work this month as I am not sure how many, if any, of these treatments we can afford. Its not just the financial side of it all it’s the emotional strain of it – it’s driving me crazy.

I created a lens on our journey, please feel free to take a look, http://www.squidoo.com/Am_I_Really_Pregnant
Please comment below and leave me some baby dust

I had to go back the day after for the intrauterine insemination which was done this time with frozen sperm because Buster had to work away, so we froze some of his tadpoles before he went. Here we are now back to the lovely waiting game – 2 weeks to go to find out if it’s third time lucky. I hope so, not sure what we will do next month yet, might have a break for a while.

I have created a Squidoo lens which has more details on intrauterine insemination, feel free to take a look :
http://www.squidoo.com/intrauterineinsemination

I have my appointment booked with Paul Stokes in a couple of days and hopefully when I have my scan I will see at least a couple of good sized follicles – wish me luck

It’s all a lot to take emotionally. Do you guys think that we should have a break from trying ?

After the intrauterine insemination was done on day 19 he did a quick internal scan and sure enough the large follicle was still there which confirmed that I had still not ovulated. He predicted that I should ovulate later that day and the timing of the insemination was perfect.

So, this month we have really given it our best shot. We are just on the waiting game now. It’s day 29 now and my appointment with Paul is scheduled for day 34 which may sound way too late but considering that I didn’t ovulate until day 19 or 20 it’s allowing the usual 2 weeks after the insemination. Wish me luck

It’s an internal scan that is done to determine the size of the follicles. I had a follicle present but it was only a very small so I was told that I was nowhere near ovulation. (I am no longer even looking at my temperature chart – it is so unreliable and is constantly sending me on the wrong path). I was told to forget the scan scheduled for the next day and to go in four days later to see how and if the follicle was growing. I was also told not to build my hopes up too much because sometimes a woman can miss a month with ovaulting and the follicle may not grow. This would be day 15 – last month I ovulated on day 12 !

When I went back on day 15, the scan confirmed that yes the follicle had grown and was now 15mm. He wanted me to wait until day 18 and then go back. This worried me a little because last month he waited until it was 21mm before giving me the HCG shot and then after I had found out that it hadn’t worked, he told me that maybe we had done it a little late. Well, I was told by the nurse there that follicles can grow 2mm per day which would mean that on day 18 I would be at 21mm again. This all went around and around in my head for a while after leaving the clinic, so I telephoned and asked them if it would be ok to wait until day 18. I know it sounds crazy questioning them, they obviously know what they are doing, but at $800 a time I don’t want to keep wasting my money. They reassured me that the timing would be perfect, so I just have to put my faith in them.

Now when I am typing this it is day 17, the day before my scan and they have given me a test to do at home today which detects LH surge. It requires the normal collecting urine and then using a pipette to drop some urine into a tester. I have included a picture of the testing kit.

I will post again in a few days and let you know how my scan goes tomorrow. The intauterine insemination will more than likely take place on day 19 so fingers crossed.

Anyway, he said that I had responded well to the treatment. The blood test that I had about a week and a half ago, had confirmed that I had ovulated well. I had received a reading of 140 which beats all previous reading by far, where the best has been 92.

We are starting another month of HCG and insemination at a cost of another $800. I am now on day 5 and I am just starting the Serophene (Clomid) this morning – 2 tablets for the next 5 days and then I have my appointment for my scan on next Tuesday (a week today), day 12. Hopefully, then the insemination will be done next Wednesday.

This will be my second month of this course of treatment. I am thinking that I will try 4 times and then if there is no pregnancy after that, then it just wasn’t meant to be. I feel like I have turned a corner myself with my own thoughts and feelings of becoming pregnant this weekend. I have been so upset and cried so much, then after all that I have picked myself up with the help of my husband (my soul mate) and my best friend (Nicole) and I am just now thinking that it works out that we don’t have a third child then it simply was not meant to be. I thank my lucky stars because I already have 2 amazing boys – three if you include hubby.

I will keep you posted with my scan next week….

This Friday will be day 28. Today is day 23 and I have been looking out for any symptoms of pregnancy but nothing. Yes, I am exhausted, but to be honest that’s normal anyway, lol. I am trying to get my thoughts towards me not being pregnant – my thinking behind this is the dissappointment will not be too much to bear. Who am I kidding ? I will be crushed again like I am every month. I can’t help it. My friends tell me to just relax – it’s not easy relaxing when you have been trying to conceive for so long and you have just spent $800 on 1 months treatment. You are not sure where the next months $800 is going to come from either, but you know that you will find it from somewhere.

I am also concerned about the days that we actually tried to conceive this month as they were too close together – I had this pointed out after the event – why after ! At least if we have to do another month of intrauterine insemination I will know exactly what to expect this month and the best way to try to make it work. Hoping we have hit the jackpot this month though

Buster was at work until 11 in Brisbane and then he came home early. He had to do his ’stuff’ in a lovely little jar like one in the photo – really romantic, hey ? Anyway, then we had an hour to get it to the clinic. I took it straight there and it was there half an hour later at 12.30.

When I was there the guy who deals with the sperm samples showed me on his screen whilst looking at the sperm through a microscope. We had been told previously by our GP that my husband had a few lazy swimmers so we were concerned about this. It was amazing looking at it on the screen. There were some tadpoles (that’s exactly what they looked like) swimming about. So, it all looked good up until this point. I then left the clinic to return later for the artificial insemination. The sperm would be washed ready for this.

Sperm washing gets rid of the slow swimmers or dead ones and just leaves the faster swimming ones which are the ones that are more likely to fertilize the egg.

When I returned Paul Stokes told me that Busters sperm was 80% which he said was good. He said it was a high medium. In previous tests he said that Busters sperm had been higher, but it was still high enough to be a good count. So he then proceeded with the insemination. The washed sperm was inserted into the uterus with a catheter, a very thin catheter. It was a bit uncomfortable but not bad. Let’s face it, if we do go on to have a baby then I will have to get used to a lot worse

That’s it, it’s a waiting game now. Don’t you just hate that part ? I know I do. I need to go for a blood test in 7 days that will hopefully confirm that yes I did ovulate. Then 7 days after that on May 21st I have an appointment booked with Paul to see how things are getting on.

Wish me luck…..

I don’t know why but I got myself really stressed out about the whole thing, which I know will not help anything. I think it’s because I know that next month we will struggle to find the $800 and so if it doesn’t work this month, we will have to wait a month. To add to that my husband is currently applying for positions to work on oil rigs and down coal mines which will mean that he will be away a lot – it’s will be a bit hard to get pregnant without him there Anyway a friend of mine settled me down yesterday morning a bit and then I went home and threw myself into some baking, trying to make myself busy. (The tribe are happy I did this, as they now have sausage rolls and biscuits to add to their lunches today).

12 o’clock soon arrived – I took my youngest Sam to a friend of mine, Nicole who was watching him for me whilst I went for my appointment. Sam was excited about his outing. Then I went on my merry way to my appointment.

The first thing I had to do was to do a urine sample, for which I had been told not to drink loads of water for beforehand, because it would just water it down. The urine sample would determine whether or not I had already ovulated. Then I went through for my scan. I could see it all on the screen, he started off on the left side only to find that there were no follicles on that side and then he moved to the right. Here there were 2 follicles that were 21cm in size – he said that was exactly what we wanted – good news – yes ! The urine sample confirmed that I had not yet ovulated so that was also good. I was then given the HCG shot.

The HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) shot was given to me in the belly. The lady giving the shot, Jane pinched a bit of skin there (she had lots of loose fat to go at, my love handles) and put the needle in. I hardly felt a thing. It was only small needle and it was over in seconds. The HCG shot stimulates the ovaries making them produce and then release eggs. The shot should make me ovulate in the next 36 to 48 hours.

That was my appointment finished for that day but I was told that I had to go in for the intrauterine insemination (artificial insemination) tomorrow. I had to get my husbands semen into them by 12.30 tomorrow – in a nice little pot – takes away the romance a bit, lol. My appointment was then at 3.15 the same day which is when they would do the insemination.

Then Jane asked me when the last time we had intercourse was (no secrets in infertility) – it was at least 2 weeks ago. Nothing like trying for a baby to put you off a bit So she told me to make sure we did it that night and then every other night over the next few days. This will mean that we aren’t purely relying on the insemination. There needs to be as many tadpoles swimming around at the point when the egg is released.

That was the end of my appointment. So I tottled off to phone Buster, my hubby to tell him what had happened and that he needed to take the next afternoon off work. Until tomorrow……

So anyway, I still have to take the Clomid (100mg) for 5 days and then I am booked in for a scan with Paul Stokes (fertility guy) on May 6th. The scan will show how many follicles are growing in each ovary. In each follicle there should be one egg. When the egg has reached a diameter of 17mm then it is considered ready for ovulation. The lining of the womb (endometrium) needs to be at a thickness of 8mm at the time of ovulation – this will ensure that it is ready to recieve the embryo. I will probably have to go in for a scan Friday and maybe even over the weekend too.

When the egg is ready for ovulation I will be given a shot of the HCG hormone. I am not worried about this as I have seen the needle, it’s not big and let’s face it if I go on to have a baby, better get used to being prodded and poked again. The needle is given towards the side of the stomach, by pinching some skin and then administering the needle. I have been told if the needle does have to be given out of hours then I will have to do it myself at home.

The next stage is that intercourse or insemination needs to happen 36-48 hours after the HCG shot. In our case we are doing the insemination because that’s what has been reccommended, but I have also been told to have intercourse aswell in that time. If I did (please God) get pregnant then we would never know if it were the insemination or the intercourse.

Then it’s just a case of being monitored to see if a pregnancy has occured.

I really want to do this but am getting myself in a real tiswas about it, not about the treatment itself just about the success rate. I can’t help but feel that this is our last chance because I know that we could never afford IVF and my husband has already said that we couldn’t go as far that. Don’t get me wrong we would have a couple more attempts at this method but IVF is $10,000 ! Unless we win the lottery this is our last hope.

Does anyone have any success stories that they can share to give me hope ?

Take the Clomid the same as having been doing on previous months – day 2 through to day 6.

Around day 11 or 12 go in to Paul Stokes and have a scan to determine how many follicles are present. I may have to go in again the next day and even the day after that until its the right time for the injection.

I have an injection of Ovidrel put in my belly which will help the follicles to grow and trigger ovulation.

The next stage is that the sperm is artificially inseminated.

Then just a waiting game.

I would have done it this month but you have to give them $800 on day 2 of your cycle and as I was on day 3 it was overdue and no money in the bank – mortgage week. So one last attempt with Clomid alone and then its IUI.

I asked Paul to give me an idea of the success rates with the different types of methods. He gave me:

Clomid – 10%
IUI – 20-25%
IVF – 40-45%

Please work this month Clomid. Will keep you up to date. If you are reading this and are going through or have already been through fertility treatment please leave me a comment. Always good to know I am not the only one out there who is having issues getting pregnant.

I learnt that your basal body temperature changes on the day of your period. Your basal body temperature drops back down. Mine dropped last month from the day before at over 37 to 36.7 and sure enough I got my period later on that day. So this morning I got up hoping that my temperature was still up there and it was – this mornings reading was 37.05 (another day reprieve from the sinking feeling that comes every month that you find out that you are not pregnant).

I have my appointment booked with Paul Stokes on Wednesday which is later in the cycle than previous appointments but you see tomorrow is a bank holiday and he is in surgery all day on Tuesday. On Wednesday it will be day 32 of my cycle. If I get (please no) my period before then I will ring the office because with the Clomid it is best started on day 2 of the cycle.

Wish me luck………………..

At least I am ovulating now. My fertility specialist, Paul Stokes said that he is happy with the way my body is responding to the 100mg dose of Clomid and that we should continue with it for a while. So here we are again, my fertile time of the month. Every month I think, well if I got pregnant now our baby would be born in ……. month. Well, if we hit the jackpot this month, it would be a January baby.

He says that we could go onto injections but whilst the Clomid seems to be working he will stick to that for a while. The main advantage with the injections would be that I would be closely monitored and he would be able to tell me exactly when ovulation occurs. The BIG disadvantage is that it costs $800 a month !

Now on day 3, wish me luck………

I am on day 29 now and he wants me to go back on day 32. As I ovulated later than expected it’s too early for him to decide what to do next month. My temperature reading is over 37 and has been for the last 10 days. I am getting stomach cramps that feel like my period is on the way. I will be back to post again in the next few days – keep your fingers crossed for me – please let this be the month I get pregnant.

He is keeping me on the clomid again for this month at the same dosage (100mg) so we can still eat at the moment – we don’t have to pay the $800 ovulation injection fees (this is the next stage). Only problem we have this month is that my mother-in-law will be here staying with us during ovulation (as if all the trying to conceive hasn’t put me off already!) – it’s like going back to the beginning, quiet, sneaky rendez-vous.

I have my appointment tomorrow to see him so I am just hoping it’s good news. He will have my blood test results back from day 21 so it will give him an idea as to whether the doubling the clomid dose actually made me ovulate. If it doesn’t look good then he wants to start the injections to make me ovulate which are a lot more expensive.

This month I have had no symptons of being tired, cranky or sore boobs until now. I do feel exhausted but that is most likely due to the fact that I have been up at 4am the last 2 mornings. My boobs have just started to hurt and feel swollen. That’s me done on the symptons because as you know from my last post on pregnancy I am not listening to them anymore – I had loads of symptons last month only to find out that I hadn’t even ovulated !